Wednesday 31 August 2016


                                  Practice Empathy and Teach it to Children
Empathy is the ability to read another person’s emotions. In other words it means to try and put yourself



 











in the shoes of the other person, so as to be able to understand what he is feeling or going through emotionally. Many children just do not know the meaning or the art of practicing empathy, because no one has ever explained it or discussed it with them. It is a critical life skill and should be taught to children right from an early age. To be able to understand what your friend is feeling after a fight or to feel the hurt your parents are going through after you have behaved rudely with them, or to feel the emotions of a sick relative,are  emotional skills which children are grossly lacking these days. In today’s world of technology, children are so much engrossed in the ‘I, Me or Mine’ phenomenon, that they tend show traits of narcissism in their behaviour. Technology gadgets have taken up most of their time and they have become recluses and loners lost in the world of visual fantasy of social media and their gadgets. They hardly find time or want to play or share their game or feelings with their friends. Outdoor games are gradually becoming extinct for the children today, as children have no time or interest or energy left for them..
A University of Michigan study of nearly 14,000 college students found that students today have about 40% less empathy than college kids had in the 1980s and 1990s.Children today have NO idea of how to practice empathy and will surely be less happy as adults as a result. Parents need to understand this and need to practice and teach Empathy to their children. Schools should also take initiatives to include Empathy training workshops in their curriculum where children can freely discuss the importance of understanding others emotions. Only then will we be able to make our children more caring , compassionate and empathetic.
Parenting is the most challenging task to master these days. It was a duty so easy and natural for parents, some time back, but today it has become the most formidable task for them. Parents are a confused lot these days. They complain that they are not able to understand their children and vice versa. ‘Empathy’ is an alien word for most of them too. Both parents are working parents these days trying to do their best to rear up their children with all materialistic comforts. As a result parents too are in a lot of stress. They have no time for Empathy or Compassion in their hectic schedule  themselves. Then how do we expect such parents to teach such important skills to their kids? It is a wake-up call for all of us. Parents should learn how to be de-stressed and should adopt ‘good, happy parenting skills’ which include Empathy and Compassion .The children are fast learners and will immediately copy or model their parents behavior. They will surely pick up such skills from their parents and involve Empathy and Compassion in their day to day behavior, once they see their elders, parents, teachers, older siblings using them .

Wednesday 24 August 2016



                           Prevention of Stress is a better option than trying to Manage Stress.                   

 "Ships don’t sink because of the water around them but sink because of the water that gets in them. Don’t let what’s happening around you, get inside you and weigh you down".

More than a third of teenage girls in England suffer from depression and anxiety says the guardian.com..2014 work stress survey says that 8 out of 10 Americans are stressed at work.In India stress, depression and suicides have increased from 7.9 to 10.3% says the movement I QUIT. The statistics of stress and its consequences are staggering. It is a wake- up call for all of us.

Stress is a silent killer, an epidemic ,which has spread all over the world  and engulfed thousands of unaware ,innocent people, children and youth in its vicious toxic web. It is a creation of our mind and lies within our mind, and like a parasite, it preys on it, making us emotionally and physically weak. There is some good news however, that stress can be prevented,  provided  we know how to do so.  It is also manageable if we have succumbed to it, and are stressed. The sad news however, is that Psychological Stress is a hallmark of many diseases, ranging from obesity, diabetes to heart disease and even cancer. Stress can lead one to depression, suicide, drugabuse, and many more maladies, which plague us and our society today. Now a large chunk of diseases are labelled Psychosomatic—which means-diseases of the Body due to a stressed Mind. These are a plethora of diseases that range from unexplained headaches, body aches, migraine, pseudo-seizures, GIT Disorders, Respiratory problems etc, the list is never ending. People run from pillar to post, from one doctor to another, trying to find magic medicines which can cure them of   these physical ailments, which have made their life hell.  Ironically they do find momentary relief from their symptoms, with the prescribed medicines, but the symptoms just relapse and come back over and again, because Stress, the root cause of their illness has not been addressed. If Counselling is added to the medicines prescribed, whereby psychologists empower the patient and guide him to find solutions to the problems which have caused him to be in stress, and teach him how to say NO to stress, it shows remarkable results. Medicines have a limited role in countering stress, and their role is similar to the shredding of the leaves of a tree, which soon come back again because the roots of the tree are alive and keep nourishing the tree. It’s roots have to be sacrificed only then will the tree die. So is the case with psychosomatic illnesses. If we wish to get rid of the physical and emotional symptoms, we HAVE to address the root cause which is the  of stress in us

          What exactly is Stress? The term “stress”, as it is currently used was coined by Hans Selye in 1936, who defined it as “the non-specific response of the body to any demand for change”.                             
            More simply put, it is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances. Stress is not a viral or bacterial disease which can be cured with medicines like antibiotics. It is a psychologically state in our mind which can be prevented, provided we  think positively and learn how to cope adaptively with our problems.              Stress develops IN our mind while the stressor, the challenge or the problem, as we may like to call it, lies outside us. A difficult exam , an irritating boss, a nagging spouse, are all problems outside and not in our control. It is our negative or irrational thinking about our problems, which creates the stress within our mind. Why did he say this to me? How could he do this? Why did this happen to me, and so on and so forth. These negative thoughts are the genesis of our stress.
Imagine two children, both having studied together and unfortunately both failing in their exam. Their reactions may be different. One can just shrug it off and plan to study harder the next time. The other can go into depression, run away from home or do self-harm. The problem both of them faced was the same, both failed, but their coping strategy was different. One boy thought positively and planned to study harder for the next exam. He coped adaptively with the problem and moved on in life. The other had a negative thinking pattern of fear, anger, shame or anxiety, thereby got stressed, and was not able to cope adaptively with the problem. He opted for  self-harm, a maladaptive coping strategy.

How does one change ones thinking process to prevent getting stressed? Firstly we should learn to accept what has happened, then with a stable mind plan your next move. Acceptance is a skill which immediately makes us stable. Also increase your resilience or Emotional strength, learn to be in high self-esteem, do not self- blame or be in guilt, learn to cope adaptively with problems, be adaptive to the changes around you, communicate well, understand  other’s perspective, distance yourself and try to get another perspective of the situation and focus on the opportunities and the positive side of the situation, focus on your strengths and successes, Concentrate on positive results and also familiarize yourself with the worst possible situation and ask yourself how you would come through it.
Lets remember," It is not the things themselves that serve to unsettle the people, but rather their judgements and opinions of things (Epictetus, 50-120 A.D.) and
"The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it." Eckhart Tolle

           Our body is well equipped to ring the alarm bell whenever we get stressed. We have anxiety, palpitations, headaches, various cognitive symptoms, breathlessness etc .symptoms which tell us to be aware and take care of our self. Because we are in stress, we should take effective measures to MANAGE our stress, like Relaxation techniques, Breathing techniques, music, exercise, yoga psychotherapy etc. However I advocate that stress should be prevented rather than being managed. Why fall sick first, and then take medicines to get better, while with knowledge and proper precautions, we could have prevented ourselves from falling sick in the first place. Let us  all gear up to Prevent being stressed and lead a stress-free, happy life. 
After all, Prevention is always better than Cure.
                                                                                         Dr.Sona Kaushal Gupta
                                                                                  Consultant Neuro Psychologist
                                                                        Founder Director PARI FOUNDATION
                                             ( a NGO  which spreads awareness about Prevention of Stress)                                                            website: www.parifoundation.com