GOOD PARENTING-- THE NEED OF THE HOUR

“Behind every young child who believes in himself is a parent who believed first.” » Matthew Jacobson

   

The role of Parents in a child's Physical, Mental and Emotional development is very eminent. The way parents nurture or bring up their children, is called Parenting. And therein lies the whole story as to why children and adolescents drift into addictions and what parents should do to prevent such situations!

In the present scenario, most parents seem to be confused and in guilt, as they feel their children have gone astray because they have not been good parents. They are unable to understand their children and vice versa. Conflicts and Arguments have taken the place of healthy communication and often parents and children hardly talk to each other. There is bitterness and depression in both of them, and eventually the children, especially adolescents, who are unable to cope with their numerous psychological, academic, social problems drift into the horrifying world of addictions. Parents need to know and adopt the concept of Good Parenting skills, so that they are able to understand and bond with their children   and help them find solutions to their problems. Till children are growing up, they obey their parents, because their critical and analytical thinking is still in a developing stage. Parents feel proud of themselves, because their children are so obedient!. As soon as the children enter their teens all hell seems to break loose. As adolescents they start to mature psychologically and try to reason and analyse situations and people. They try to figure out and argue as to WHY they should do exactly what their parents or elder’s tell them to do? Ironically this was something they had been doing naturally some time back in their pre-teens. Now as adolescents, they want to know as to why should they not do what they want to do instead? Adolescents want answers to their questions, which if the parents are unable to provide, as is the situation in the present scenario, it leaves the child unsatisfied and unhappy.

As parents we always tell our children to do this or that, but we never try to tell them WHY they should do so. WHY should they not take drugs, when they see their friends taking them? Why should they not smoke, when their relatives doing so? Why should they not speed and drive fast? The questions in their mind are endless. PARENTS RARELY TRY TO ANSWER THE "WHY OR WHY NOT" BECAUSE EITHER THEY DO NOT KNOW THE RIGHT ANSWER, DO NOT KNOW THE RIGHT WAY TO ANSWER OR HAVE NO TIME TO ANSWER. Many a times the parents are in a denial mode and unable to see that their children are confused, unhappy or depressed, may be due to parental expectations, peer pressure, academic stress or other reasons. Adolescents then tend to move away from parents, from whom they expect no support, or empathy, and are attracted towards their peers, where they feel accepted and appreciated.

 
             As a child is growing up he is gradually developing his self-esteem and he wants to be appreciated and respected—like all grownups desire. He wants his views to be heard and given due importance. He wants answers to his questions. But as mentioned above, parents are often so short of time, weighed down and stressed  by their own problems and past emotional baggage OR unaware of good parenting skills, that they tend to become angry, critical and rude to their children, instead of interacting proactively with them. This further lower's the child’s self-esteem, who is already going through a lot of adolescent hormonal, emotional and social turmoil. Children THEN start drifting away from their parents, towards their peers, who accept and appreciate them unconditionally.

                 This is called PEER-PRESSURE and the child will do anything to please or become like his peer's whom he considers to be his role models. He starts to mimic their behaviour,because he WANTS to be appreciated and accepted by them and eventually he does everything his peers tell him to do and may drift into addictions and other maladaptive behaviours, to win their approval. This is a bitter truth parents have to swallow. Had they been more supportive, compassionate empathetic, assertive parents, understanding their children and giving them their unconditional love, support, acceptance, appreciation and proper answers to their queries, their children would not have drifted away.

            To keep our children happy and away from drugs and other risky behaviours, the need of the hour is for parents to learn and adopt Good, Happy & Assertive Parenting skills. They should learn to communicate and bond strongly with their children, appreciate and guide them  and assure them of their unconditional support whenever they  falter, fall or fail. Criticism and rebuke from the parents lowers a child’s self-esteem and makes him withdraw from his parents. Conversely, love, acceptance, appreciation and guidance from the parents is the only solution to keep children happy, motivated, and confident and steers them away from drugs  and addictions. Parents should be ideal role models for their children. They should  practice  what they preach, so that their children can look up to them in admiration ,remain in high self-esteem and be assertive and resilient enough  to say NO to peer pressure and drug abuse.

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                                                                                    Dr.Sona Kaushal Gupta

                                                                           Neuro-Psychologist::DehraDun
                                                                                Founder Director PARI Foundation